Pre-paving the energetics for the holidays
The holidays can be a joyous time filled with laughter, fun, goodwill, and special memories. Depending on who you’re celebrating it with, it can also be a highly draining and stressful time for many.
And so today, I’d love to talk with you about how pre-paving the energetics in advance of your holiday gatherings (or any challenging situation for that matter) can set your time up for success and create an entirely new dynamic that is much kinder to your parasympathetic nervous system, and filled with more ease and flow.
What is pre-paving the energetics?
Also known as segment intending, it’s about defining your intentions for a situation, an interaction, a circumstance, or really any part of your day or life in advance.
This can be a very powerful practice as many of us gear up for the holidays and will spend time with family, friends, and loved ones. If you’re seeing anyone that might be challenging, triggering, difficult, or draining, pre-paving can work wonders on your experience.
Typically in those circumstances, we might ruminate on something a person did in the past that bothered, annoyed, or hurt us. We might dread going somewhere or have a negative outlook for those reasons, orienting to the past rather than the present moment or future that we would like. This example does pave the energetics, but not in the way we want. This habitual way of thinking often reinforces a negative dynamic we’ve experienced and further perpetuates it into the future.
In order to chart a new path forward and make your interaction not only bearable but, dare I say, even enjoyable, pre-paving is the way to go.
How to pre-pave the energetics
I’ve known and practiced this technique *many* times in the past and have experienced the positive effects in situations as simple as how I’d like the day to go with my children to how I’d like a difficult conversation to go that I need to have.
It wasn’t until the wise, Emily Lane, shared a few nuances of this strategy that putting it into practice in a situation with negative momentum became much easier.
To begin, get into a relaxed, at-ease, meditative state. Then follow these three, simple steps:
How do you want it to feel, in general?
Invoke the energies, feelings and sentiments that you would like to experience with this person or situation. Some examples might be kind, loving, respectful, compassionate, empathetic, fun, jovial, joyous, easy, light-hearted, relaxed, accepting, safe, etc.
Simply feel these feelings in a general way. Feel each one separately, on its own, as much as you can in your heart. Really feel them.
Send that vibrational mix to the person (or people)
Authentically feel those energies again and imagine sending each one to the person (or people) in the situation at hand. Imagine each vibration traveling through the ether to them and surrounding them with this goodwill.
Send these vibrations to the person, picturing them in the room with you
One more time, bring to your heart each of the energies that you would like to feel when engaging with this person or situation. One by one, send these energies to the person, but this time imagine they are in the room with you.
That’s it! The key is to keep practicing until it’s really clear, genuine, and real for you, then the more powerful it will be. This could be a few or several days leading up to an event.
A recent example in practice
I recently tried this specific approach with a family member that was staying at my house for several weeks over Thanksgiving. Yes, you read that right. Not a few days or a long weekend, but actually weeks. In the days leading up to the visit, I practiced this every morning during my meditation and the results were astounding. What had previously felt tense, intense, judgmental, and attacking became lighter, easier, freer, more accepting, kind, and even fun. It went so well that, believe it or not, I actually cried when this person left, as it saddened my heart that it would be so long until my family would see them again.
It’s truly remarkable because, in the past, I couldn’t wait to have some space from this person. If you would have asked me ahead of time, I would not have imagined it going as well as it did. Truly. Even with all of the visualization I was doing!
The most profound thing for me is the realization that the dynamic with this person is forever changed from this experience. Rather than continuing on a trajectory that was toxic for us both, a new way of being in this relationship has been formed. When I think of the freedom from stress, anxiety, drama that we are both free from, I realize the lasting impact this will have on everyone - our stress levels, our wellbeing, our happiness.
It takes practice, work, and being willing to think in new ways. But having a healthier experience is worth the effort it takes to rewire your brain and energetically prepare your interactions. The effects can be so worth it.
Here’s to effortless, joyous, loving, respectful, compassionate, and fun interactions over the holidays!
